your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
