I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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