Barsexuality is the new black.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
