3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize