Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
