Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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