Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
