Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
