I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
