What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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