oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
