The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
