You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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