when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
