i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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