I met the friendliest cop last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
