she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
