I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
