the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
