Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
