where am i from again
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
