What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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