i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
FUCK WHALES
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
