hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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