i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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