things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize