I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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