It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
