I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
