Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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