We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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