Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
