Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
