Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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