and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize