Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and she was petting her beer can
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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