i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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