Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
