I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
