Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
