accomplished twins. life is a go
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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