You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
