dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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