y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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