hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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