Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize