I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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