yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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