I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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