Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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