Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she told me i tasted like america
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize