If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My ass is underappreciated
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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