Jerry, you need to find god
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
