Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
