Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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