Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
