I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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