he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
