foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
