So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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