someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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