Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
