I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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