Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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