I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
